A Nudge When Needed

Sometimes, in my weaker moments, it bothers me if I think I look like a tourist when I'm walking or riding around the city. I don't know why it bothers me. There are so many tourists in DC all the time, and they're usually easy to spot. They are constantly consulting maps and posing for pictures. I guess we all are most comfortable when we feel like we know where we are and what we're talking about. I try to be discreet when I have to resort to a map. I'll sneak a peak when I think nobody's looking. But I realized recently one sure way to tell a tourist from an experienced DC dweller; watch them park a car.

In most big cities, space is at a premium, and that certainly includes parking space. You can't park anywhere for free in DC Monday through Saturday. Not a chance. Somebody owns that spot, and they're going to charge you to use it. In many cases, the city of Washington DC owns it. Once they realized how much money was to be made, they did a particularly evil thing; they tried to fit as many parking spaces as possible into tiny areas. If you're one of the many unfortunates left to park along the street, you'd better have a knack for parallel parking.

The other day I was downtown on Constitution Avenue directly between the Washington Monument and the White House. I was riding by on my bike, and noticed a vehicle with three people standing around it, gesturing frantically, shouting instructions, and just generally creating a spectacle. I slowed down to see if it was some kind of emergency, and then realized what was happening. It was tourists trying to park.

They needed someone in front of the car, someone behind the car, and someone on the curb, all checking to be sure they weren't about to rip a substantial piece off of their car or one of the adjacent cars. A few spaces up, a car with DC plates stopped to park, and the contrast in methodology was remarkable.

The DC driver stopped, and quickly backed in until his back bumper nudged the bumper of the car behind him. Then he pulled forward, straightening out somewhat, but, once again, rolling until he nudged the car in front of him. Then he did the final bit of straightening while backing slightly and settling right into the middle of the two total feet of extra space he'd been allowed. The tourists were still scrambling around, checking angles and trajectory, and wondering how to fit into a space that, to them, seemed impossibly small.




I've since observed this DC veteran technique a number of times, and it seems to be the standard for parking in the city. It's expected. There is no possible way to find spaces that have "enough" clearance, so you simply give a nudge when needed, front and back, and go about your business.

One company has capitalized on this by inventing the Bumper Badger. As far as I can tell, it's a glorified door mat with two strips that somehow attach it inside the trunk of your car. When it's time to park, you open your trunk, flip your Bumper Badger out to hang there, and go to work. In theory, it offers some protection against all the other nudgers. Before you drive off, you flip the Bumper Badger back inside your trunk and go.


It seems like a great idea, although nobody has ever explained what you do to protect your front bumper. For that, it's probably best to park behind a tourist.